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I got some really sad news last night and when I woke up this morning I felt heavy and tired and sick, but you know, I also felt thankful.  Luther was tightly snuggled next to me and not at all on his own blanket which meant dog hairs were everywhere on the bed.  But I didn’t care.

When my mom called last night I was washing my face, getting ready to end my night.  When we hung up I sat on the bathroom floor, head in hands, sobbing.  Doing the ugly cry, loud and hard.

And you know what happened then?  Luther stuck his cold, wet nose in my ear, sat beside me and started crying.

He cried WITH me.

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Maybe for me?

Or did he just really want to go for that walk I hadn’t yet promised?

I don’t know.

But I didn’t feel like I was alone in my house anymore.  I felt like I was at home with family.  Because families cry together, right?

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Anyway, this is the single most difficult post I have written to date and the ‘publish’ button is officially scary now.

I’ll be back tomorrow, though I thought about taking a break and just not blogging for a few days.  It doesn’t really feel right to want to blog, but it also doesn’t feel right not to.  This 31 day series has officially challenged me in a very new and unexpected way.

“I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart.  And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give.  So don’t be troubled or afraid.”

John 14:27 [NLT]

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Thalita

26 Comments

  1. Reply

    Anonymous

    October 8, 2013

    Nunca estamos sozinhos quando nos amamos ,filha. A distancia nunca sera longa o suficiente para nos separar. Que bom que tem um chorao com voce nessas horas neh?

  2. Reply

    Dee

    October 8, 2013

    I am so sorry. I believe they do know when your heart is breaking. My dog is very sensitive to crying because I got her when I was trying to have kids and everything was failing. She was already named Hope and she was meant to be mine. My arms weren’t empty anymore because of her. Hold onto tight, pray, cry and keep blogging because we {heart} you at The CSI Project!

    • Reply

      Thalita

      October 8, 2013

      Dee, thank you so much for sharing your story! I’s amazing how much these little animals can feel and pick up on. Thanks for the encouragement! I {heart} you right back!

  3. Reply

    Alex

    October 8, 2013

    XOXO – I don’t know what happened but I send you lots of positive thoughts and hugs!

    • Reply

      Thalita

      October 8, 2013

      Thanks, friend! I gotta say, just the memory of your 5’11” awesomely big hug is pretty awesome right now :)

  4. Reply

    Judy Beeksma

    October 8, 2013

    I do hope that you find some peace today and my wish is that you gain strength from your dog, family and friends. That kind of news is tough and takes time…thoughts and prayers with you!

    • Reply

      Thalita

      October 8, 2013

      Thank you so much Judy! Your kind words are also a source of strength, so thank you for that!

  5. Reply

    Danica

    October 8, 2013

    Do what’s best for you heart, if you have no want to blog today your closest readers and friends will understand.

    And I agree dogs def. know when you are hurting, I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

    • Reply

      Thalita

      October 8, 2013

      Thank you my sweet pizza! I mean, Danica :)
      I’ll be back on my blogging feet in no time, but your support means the world!

  6. Reply

    nanjoy21

    October 8, 2013

    I don’t know what has happened, of course, but my heart is so sad for you. “Ugly” cries come from deep, deep in our beings and I think that is also where your dear furry friend connects with you and where God will give the peace He has promised. I have two dogs and they are very intuitive creatures. I have often said that I believe that a dog’s love is one of the closest pictures of unconditional love we will ever have on this earth. I am a newbie to your blog site, connecting through the nester’s 31 days….and I will miss you if you stop blogging (selfishly speaking), but just follow your heart and do what you need to do for you. In the meantime, let Luther and others love on you…….and may you know the peace spoken of in John 14……that no human can give. hugs and prayers, my bloggy-friend

    • Reply

      Thalita

      October 8, 2013

      Ugly cries are the best and worst at the same time, right? Such a sense of relief, yet the hurt that comes out can be hard to deal with.

      Thank you for your support and sweet words, and for being extra sweet in saying you’d miss me if I stopped blogging! That made me smile! I will be back tomorrow, even if it’s not with the usual dorky humour. It makes me SO happy that you are here, by the way!

  7. Reply

    Emily @ Two Purple Couches

    October 8, 2013

    Thinking of you today, Thalita. Our furry friends help us so much more than they’ll ever know!

    • Reply

      Thalita

      October 8, 2013

      Thank you my friend! They really can be the best of friends to us!

  8. Reply

    Gillian

    October 8, 2013

    I know you still feel like blogging right now but if you need to take a break, we will all be here waiting for you! Take care of yourself and that sweet little Luther. Sending good vibes your way!

    • Reply

      Thalita

      October 8, 2013

      Feeling the good vibes and loving it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

  9. Reply

    Julia at Home on 129 Acres

    October 8, 2013

    Do what feels right for you and your family. We’ll be here whenever you want us, just like Luther.

    • Reply

      Thalita

      October 9, 2013

      Julia, that is so incredibly nice of you. Thank you so much for the support.

  10. Reply

    Steph

    October 9, 2013

    Bad news from a family member is always a difficult thing. Get lots of extra cuddles from Luther, I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to give them :) I hope you’re feeling a bit better today!

    • Reply

      Thalita

      October 10, 2013

      Thanks Steph! Luther’s cuddles definitely have helped :)

  11. Reply

    Rachel Palof (@dearwilde)

    October 10, 2013

    It can be so hard to maintain a blog when there are rough situations going on in the background of your life, I know this firsthand! But we all love you here, and thank goodness for pets! Lately when things have been rough I’ve spent whole days curled up with my cats, and it always amazes me that no matter where they are, they make a mad dash for the couch to comfort me when I’m upset. I don’t know how, but pets always know.

    No matter what’s going on, you & your blog are still a wonderful inspiration, and I’m always around if you need to talk about life, blogging, whatever.

    Hugs, Thalita!

    xoxox,

    Rachel

    • Reply

      Thalita

      October 10, 2013

      Rachel, you are such a sweet person. Thank you so much for being a friend! Truth be told, blogging was hard for about 2 days this week, which I know isn’t a lot, but feels like a eternity when you’re trying to be all organized and prepared to write for 31 days straight! All good… I’m back and it’s totally thanks to wonderful family, pet, and friendly support, like yours! BIG HUG!

  12. Reply

    April - Money Pit Love

    October 11, 2013

    Dude, I’m so sorry I didn’t read this earlier (as in, on the 8th.) — I’m so sorry I’m late. I absolutely believe our dogs know when we need support and love. That’s the beautiful thing about dogs: they are just big balls of emotion covered in fur. Dogs are intensely in touch with their feelings and ours, and there’s nothing that gets in the way of loving their people when their people need it. Luther sounds amazing — one day soon we should have a doggy play date!

    As for you and the bad news you received, I’m sending you hugs. Lots of them. The big smothery kind that feel a little too tight but good, too. You know those? Yeah. Those. As many as you need.

    xo

    • Reply

      Thalita

      October 12, 2013

      Hey now, no need for sorries. Up until this morning I still had 150 unread posts. Last week it was 620. Bloglovin’ threatened to shut my account down if I was just gonna be a pretend user. Anyway, thank you so much for commenting anyway. Dogs really are amazing, and a play date definitely must happen!!!

      I’m receiving that hug with wide open arms, with a giant smile on my face. So good!

  13. Reply

    Lauren @ The Thinking Closet

    October 16, 2013

    I was keeping it together myself…until I landed on that verse you shared at the end. And then, my eyes filled up with tears. God’s truth just seers straight to the heart doesn’t it? It’s so true about God’s peace – – it’s other-worldly. It’s beyond compare. It’s what we desperately need but don’t often enough seek. Thank you for reminding of that tonight. And I hope that truth has sunk in for you, too. Though I’m sure it’s a process (it always is, isn’t it?).

    I’m sighing a big long sigh, mourning with you.

    Thank you for inviting your readers into this process with you. It was brave of you, but know that I consider it a gift to be able to receive some weight from a friend or family member. It’s part of this whole living life together thing. It is right. We were meant to endure these hardships alone. I’m so glad you have your hubby and Luther nearby to walk through this valley with you.

    Praying for you still.

    • Reply

      Thalita

      October 16, 2013

      It feels like some days I feel that peace through and through… and other days when it’s less so. Regardless, just knowing it, being reminded of it is a huge gift in and of itself, even if we don’t always feel it.

      I love that you said it’s a gift to receive some weight from a friend or family member. You are so right. It’s a huge part of doing life together, of loving your neighbour and being a real community, whether we live close by or not. I never regret being the one taking on that weight and I too, see it as a gift. It’s a little harder when you’re on the other end of it, but it makes you appreciate the trust others put into you when they share their hardships. Thanks for allowing me to see that! I honestly would not have gotten to this conclusion without your words.

      Also, thank you for the prayers. I feel them in my heart, and it’s a little fuller already.

      • Reply

        Lauren @ The Thinking Closet

        October 17, 2013

        You’re right – – it’s easier to help bear a friend’s burden than to offer up your own weight to others, but I’m so proud of you for offering it to us through this post. And if my comment helped you to gain a new insight about burden-sharing, that’s all God!

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